Today started out as a usual morning. Woke up to Jonah talking happily in his crib, had our milk and oatmeal for breakfast, then went outside to play. We loaded up in the car and headed to Carrboro for our music's class one year anniversary party! It was fun new park with lots of new things to climb on, a huge sand box, swings, and food. What more would a 21 month old want? We were having a good morning and then things started to go downhill really fast. Jonah wanted someone else's truck, then he pushed someone down the slide, took a car from a little boy, pushed someone else, and touched every donut on the table screaming his head off when I smacked him. A nice mother told me that her daughter hits too and it is just a stage they are going through. I took it as encouragement, but I wasn't going to just let Jonah hit and figure it out on his own. I listened to her silently taking it all in and then saw Jonah out of no where whack a kid. Tears started to build up and I calmly said excuse me, grabbed the diaper bag, grabbed Jonah, and left.
As we were walking to the car I seriously wanted to beat him. I was SO mad at him, embarrassed that he acted so terrible as other moms looked on and judged me. I felt awful for feeling the way I was, but I was so fed up with him. I don't know why he acts like that, I feel like the more I spank the worse he gets. I don't know what to do with him? I got him buckled in and within 2 minutes he was fast asleep in his carseat. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw his sweet precious face and how beautiful he looked sleeping. My anger quickly melted and I just prayed. I prayed that God would give me the strength to carry on. To love Jonah as He loves Jonah and to figure out how to discipline Jonah so that he is a sweet boy who everyone wants to be around and everyone sees his sweet spirit and what a joy he is. I prayed that God would show me how to discipline in love and grace. I feel like being a parent is starting to get really hard. It doesn't help that Tim is gone for 4.5 days and I am all alone. Being a single parent stinks and the next few days are going to be long. But thats where you pick up and move on. It's days like this I miss home so much. I have since regained my composure and Jonah has been asleep for an hour and we are already doing better.
I'm a happy RN married to a hardworking resident. We have recently become Carolina fans and are adding the color "carolina" blue to our wardrobe and home. I love the east coast and couldn't be happier living in hot, sticky climate. I was raised on a farm/ranch with two wonderful parents and three fun loving older sisters. I went to a one room country school house down the dusty dirt road with grand total of three in my class. Life in the country was rich, meaningful, and simple, just the way I like it. So from country farmgirl to coastal bell, here I am, living life and loving it!